How to Tell Your Family about Your Addiction

• Content Reviewed By:
• Andrew McKenna - JD
• SUD's treatment executive, national news contributor & keynote speaker.

Navigation:

• Overview
• Choose Family Members You Can Trust to Understand
• Be Contrite and Acknowledge Your Behavior 
• Give Yourself Grace 
• Have A Plan 
• Give Them Hope 
• Get Professional Support 
• Pick a Rehab That Suits Your Individual Needs
• Explain What Addiction Actually Means
• How your relationships with family impacts you
• Support of family and loved ones is fundamental

Overview

Many, if not most, people struggling with alcohol or drug use disorder have whole communities of loved ones who struggle right alongside them. Family relationships are often the first to suffer in the way of substance use disorder. Dishonesty, manipulation, aggression, and broken promises driven by this disease can strain family relationships to the breaking point.

If you’re struggling with alcohol or drug addiction, it can seem like you’re a completely different person to your family and loved ones as the changes and brain chemistry caused by prolonged and untreated alcohol and drug abuse drive your behavior more and more.

While being honest and open with your family and loved ones about your substance use struggles can be incredibly challenging, it can also help them understand what you’re going through and give them an opportunity to assist you in your treatment and recovery. Here are some ways to engage in a dialogue with your family about your substance abuse issues.

Choose Family Members You Can Trust to Understand

Most of us have people in our families with whom we’re particularly close. We feel more comfortable sharing secrets, vulnerabilities, and everything else. On the other hand, we may also have people we are less comfortable confiding in because we’re afraid of judgment and ridicule. When you’re getting ready to tell your family about your addiction, choose people you feel will understand what you’re going through and can help. These trusted family members may also be able to help you tell the rest of your family.

Be Contrite and Acknowledge Your Behavior 

Even before you get to the point of telling your family about your addiction, there may have been behavioral indicators of your struggle. When you’re coming to your family for help, explain in a rational and aware way that you’re mindful of your behavior and that it was driven by substance use. This will show your family that you’re willing to accept accountability and that you’re aware of the changes that you have to make in order to preserve the relationship.

Give Yourself Grace 

Addiction is a chronic health issue that can affect anyone; it’s not a moral failing, and it doesn’t make you a bad person. You can be conscious of the action you need to take to get help and adjust your behavior while still standing up for yourself if you feel you’re being unfairly judged or mistreated. Stay calm and tell your loved ones how damaging judgment and stigma can be to your recovery. You deserve grace and a second chance. 

Have A Plan 

Make sure you’re emotionally ready to engage with your family and confide in them with this information. Choose a time when there will be time for a long conversation about what comes next and emotional exchanges. It also helps to choose a setting that you’re comfortable with. Sometimes, it’s best to do it in a public place so there’s less of a chance of hostility and overly emotional interactions. Others may prefer privacy and discretion so they can allow their families to process the news comfortably and freely.

Give Them Hope 

If you’re telling your family about your substance use disorder, you’re most likely doing it because you either want to get help or are already in the process of getting it. One of the most valuable and affirming things you can tell them is that you’re planning on getting treatment. 

Get Professional Support 

If you’re currently seeking a therapist, ask them to be there to guide the conversation and help you have this important discussion in the most constructive and productive way. If you don’t currently have a therapist, go to a family counselor or other mental health professional who is familiar with how substance abuse impacts families for advice on how to proceed. 

Pick a Rehab That Suits Your Individual Needs

Choosing the ideal rehabilitation facility entails considering your personal needs and preferences. From specialized therapies to tailored treatment plans, finding a rehab center that aligns with your individual requirements ensures a more effective and fulfilling recovery journey.

Explain What Addiction Actually Means

When families are educated about the disease of addiction, it can help them understand what to expect and how they can aid in sobriety. This includes boundary-setting, the likelihood of relapse, and what their role will be during long-term recovery.

How your relationships with family impacts you

It’s important that your family understands how your relationships with them impacted your substance use. This is so they can fully contextualize the origins and triggers of your substance abuse and get the whole picture. Be honest, tactful, and direct without placing blame or telling them it’s all their fault.

Support of family and loved ones is fundamental

The bottom line is that the support of family and loved ones is fundamental to the recovery process on an emotional and practical level, but telling them you need help or that you’re battling addiction can be hard. Just know that you have people who are rooting for you and want to see you reclaim your health, happiness, and quality of life from alcohol and drug use disorder.